We wanted a marriage not a wedding
Weddings are such a wonderful event that people always want to be a part of. It’s such a joyous occasion, it does not matter if the ceremony varies culturally or religiously, the meaning of the event remains the same for everyone.
When it hits closer to home we’re always amazed to see or hear how people decide to celebrate their “wedding day“. It is a beautiful and wonderful celebration to be a part of afterall, what it stands for and what it means.
When we were planning our wedding day, we were fortunate enough to have the same beliefs and values so there were no surprises as to how we wanted our special day to be like. What we truly wanted was to be surrounded by our loved ones. That’s it. Our decisions were based on what we wanted and not worry about which flower is in season and if we wanted a photo booth or not to keep our guests entertained.
We know that planning a wedding isn’t that simple anymore; there is a wedding industry that is booming as more and more people want that grand wedding day. There is a great demand for it – to celebrate their wedding day – more grandiose, extravagant, and spectacular than the last. We feel that the real meaning of this special day is lost to the unsatisfiable desire for more.
Dont get us wrong, we completely understand why couples feel that they want such a grand day. For many cultures, it is only celebrated for one day. Sure, you would want it to be beautiful and memorable but let’s face the reality of it, the planning, preparation, and everything else about the day will cost money and they quickly add up. The dress fittings, bonbonnieres, flowers, invitations, bridal showers, hens/bucks nights, honeymoon… the list goes on – and they will cost a lot of money.
We focused on planning our married life together rather than planning our wedding day. We knew that after the wedding day, we would have the rest of lives to continue celebrating our marriage. Having that in mind throughout the planning stage was a lot more exciting for us, that we would have our lives ahead of us rather than focusing solely on that one day. This isn’t to say that we didn’t have a plan, prepared nor spent some time scheduling and organising our wedding day. We did all of that, it just didn’t take over what we thought the real meaning of the event was.
We quickly realised then that we are expected and somewhat pressured to conform to society but we all have a choice. It might be a bitter pill to swallow for families particularly with cultural or traditional expectations but never forget that it is YOUR day not theirs. Have you questioned why certain things are a ‘must’ at your wedding day? For you to have bridal showers, hens/bucks parties? (we didn’t have any of this as we simply didn’t want to oblige people to spend money on such things). It becomes a societal expectation more than anything.
We noticed that people are being pressured subconsciously to want extravagant weddings because they can, because they believe their wedding needs to be the best…The sad part is, have they actually considered what they actually wanted their day to signify? Have they included each other (and exclude everyone else) in the decision-making? Have they been working as a team? What do they want their wedding to mean?
The trend seems to continue to try to have it ALL; According to Canstar the average wedding in Australia is now $65,000 (close to US$50,000). To us, that seems to be a whole lot of money to be spent on the one day. Wedding day or any other day… That is someone’s yearly salary or in some cases, two people’s yearly salary combined.
So what do most have to do to in order to have their special day? Borrow money, expect or ask their parents to fork some of their hard-earned money to have their unforgettable day.
In our opinion, what matters most and what will be unforgettable are the moments that you share together after the wedding day is over. In some cases, after crashing back to reality, this would mean starting your married life together in debt – paying back the money you borrowed from your financial institutions, loans, credit cards or even from your parents. These financial responsibilities won’t wait, they will be in right in your inbox/letterbox as a newlyweds; opening presents, going through photos, and the honeymoon are but a distant memories.
So we truly believe that ever after are the moments after the wedding day, those moments will be unforgettable, don’t lose sight of that. Prepare to start of working together as a team. There’ll be more “We’s” than “I’s”…
“Today is the beginning of our forever”faymeandmiguel
Many of us will get tempted to please others in order to have that wedding day all that is expected, that sadly, has now become the norm. At the end of the day, it will be you and your beloved partner that will be left to work on your marriage, no one else. Having that insurmountable debt over your heads isn’t exactly the most ideal way to kick things off as Mr. & Mrs.
So having a grand wedding day to start your married life, is it all really worth it?
Married life is grand… Yes, it does and yes we have said this out loud to others. Why shouldn’t it be? You chose who you want to be with, and they chose to be with you? We can understand that some people do decide to get married for the wrong reasons, but let’s say “generally” most people have the right intentions. We find married life to be full of excitement, challenges and joy but at the end of each day, grateful to live our days with our favourite person!
Your wedding day is the celebration of your commitment to one another, don’t start your married life having to commit to the bank or worse your family or friends. We don’t think you should be ignoring your family or cultural traditions but rather keep an open mind about the financial impact it may have on you both and your families. We all want this day to be extra special but never stray from your values nor be tempted or blinded by the allure of fancy, flashy promise of bigger is better. We firmly believe that the only commitment you should be having is with your partner, begin your married life by making decisions as one.